Should I stay or should I go? I hate my job!

Many of us have, at some point in time, hated our job – sometimes it’s the work, sometimes the people or just everything about it. Are you wondering right now – Should I stay or should I go? Before you make your decision either way, you may like to bring some curiosity into your situation.

  • Have you been in a similar situation before?
  • Are you the victim or the perpetrator of the stressful situation?
  • Have you lost interest in your work? No longer fulfilled by it?

Maybe it’s time to explore what is behind the ‘story’ of your current situation.

What is at the heart of your pain or discontent?

 

As with all stressful situations – there is a fight or flight reaction, both physically and emotionally. At work, when we cannot fight it out or run away, we often allow ourselves to be consumed by the flood of emotions that follow, like frustration, resentment or possibly a sense of failure or even regret at other opportunities not taken. Usually there is some form of disengagement to make the situation bearable. As you read this I am sure you can see that none of these feelings are helpful to your situation and they are definitely detrimental to your own health and wellbeing both at work and at home with the people you love. Living with these emotions has a very negative impact on your work productivity and your general mood – until you are pushed to change something – either through your own initiative or maybe a not-so-gentle push out the door.

 

I hate my job because –

I hate the work itself 

It was exciting when I started but now it’s just plain boring. My work just doesn’t interest me anymore. People change and interests change over time and yet sometimes we feel that making a change is a sign of failure – and then we make it personal “I am a failure”.

Some things to consider:

  • True failure is not listening to your heart.
  • Spend some time getting clear on what you like and what you don’t like about your job. You can’t change things unless you know exactly what you want.
  • Have an open discussion with your boss about opportunities to change or adapt aspects of your job to something that is more motivating. Generally employers want engaged employees and will accommodate where possible. These changes could be part of your professional development. Notice the thoughts and emotions you may have about this that may be holding you back from this conversation. You may be experiencing fear or insecurity about raising this issue with your boss. However, if you have been unhappy with your job for a while, the chances are that your boss has already noticed and is probably all too happy to tweak your role or responsibilities to help you be more engaged and productive.
  • You may need to ‘suck it up’ – Do you hate every aspect of your job or only 1 or 2 things? There may have been a time when you enjoyed all aspects of your work, but as your experience has increased you now need more challenging work and the routine stuff is boring. Unless you can delegate that to someone else you may have to come to terms with the fact that, right now, this is part of your job and in order to do the good bits you have to put up with the boring bits too. In this situation, the best way to change your thinking is by bringing in some gratitude. Starting the day with 3 things you are grateful for about your job changes your mood for the day. Try it!

 

I hate my boss/colleague

I like the work but I just cannot get on with my boss/colleague. Someone is pressing all your buttons. Alternatively, you press their buttons and they are making your life difficult. Either way, your life at work is unpleasant!

People are our mirror and behaviours that we cannot stand in others are aspects of ourselves that we are not fully aware of. I have had many clients complain about the annoying traits of a colleague or partner and really struggle to see these traits in themselves, but they are there and a bit of digging and personal enquiry brings the aha moment. I have found that the greater the denial, the deeper it is buried and we often have to go through layers to see ourselves clearly.

As stressful as these situations are, they are also great learning opportunities for our personal development. This is not an easy road and it can take some time to see the lesson, but it’s definitely worth exploring. It once took me 7 months to really ‘get’ a lesson from a very stressful situation. A new colleague joined the team and proceeded to take over aspects of my work, seemingly in a quest for acceptance and accolades. The fact that annoyed me the most was that this person ‘took over’. I am very much a team player – I love working in teams and find that I am really productive and creative in a team environment. I love sharing ideas and working collaboratively. This person was all about control with the motto that ‘knowledge is power’ and definitely not a team player.

I had always seen myself as highly organised, but never controlling. Yet, when faced with this situation and knowing there had to be a lesson in there somewhere, I kept on mindfully tuning into the thoughts and emotions that arose when I was with this colleague. Eventually I got to see the control in myself. Highly organised translated into control of every inch of my life. I may not have controlled others, but I certainly controlled myself and my life. With that realisation I was able to consciously bring more space and relaxation into my life. This annoying colleague gave me the greatest gift.

Some things to consider:

  • Raise your conscious awareness of the situation:Identify the trait or behaviour in the other person that really annoys you, is painful or destructive.
    • Notice the thoughts and emotions you have around difficult people in your life.
    • Reflect on past situations that have been similar in feelings or circumstances. How did you react then? How are you reacting now? Is there a pattern of behaviour for you?
  • Look within and explore where you have that same trait or behaviour. You may not admit it, but it’s there – keep looking! It’s worth uncovering it. Once you see it and accept that it’s part of you – you will free yourself from it repeatedly showing up in your life.
  • You can’t change others, but you can change yourself – when you change, those around you change the way they respond to you. You may even decide to stay in your job!

 

I like the people and I like my job – but there is something missing.

Are you feeling that there is more to life than what you are currently doing? This may be the time to ask the big questions in life – why am I here? What is my purpose? What is my legacy? There is an obvious longing in your heart and the only way forward is to give this longing shape and an identity.

Some people are scared to ask these questions because they feel quite deep and you never know what will come up when you start exploring the depth of your passion. However, the more you bring your longing into conscious awareness, the more you move closer to finding your peace. Some realisations may surprise you, but generally, connecting to your purpose, your values and your reason for being is inspiring. By connecting to your purpose and integrating it into your life and work situation you are able to make more conscious decisions – should I stay or should I go? What benefits me and what is destructive?

Some things to consider:

  • Connect to your heart – your longing comes from your heart and not your head. In fact the head generally gets in the way! There are many paths to connect to your purpose – contemplation, meditation, workshops, coaching/counselling or just having a deep and meaningful chat with a friend. It doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is your commitment to being totally open and honest with yourself.
  • Spend some time considering the big questions in your life. You may wish to refer to my eBook “Resilience 4 Life” where I have a chapter on – Know your Why. I have laid out a 3-step process to connect with your purpose in life. Click here for access to my free eBook.
  • Your work is an extension of your life purpose. Write down all the aspects of you work that meet your values and fulfil your life purpose e.g. I fulfil my life purpose in my work by ...
  • If your current job is at odds with your values and purpose then you should seriously consider a change. In the long run it will start to affect your health either physically or emotionally and your relationship will suffer – no job is worth that!
  • Exploring your longing and finding your purpose is a journey – Enjoy it!

  

Look within

Whatever your situation, your current discontent, annoyance or even stress it is there as a pointer. If you don’t take this opportunity to open your heart, be honest with yourself and look into the mirror you will only be met with a similar ‘story’ wherever you go – names and faces will change but the issues will be the same.

 

Look within and feel your own emotional triggers, see what you need to change in yourself.

Once you have connected to the lesson and once you open your heart you will know whether you should stay or leave. Either way it will come from a place of conscious awareness and not from a reactive state of pain.

Once you change your thinking and your behaviours, others change in the way they respond to you. You may even find a renewed sense of joy and enthusiasm in your work.

 

It all starts by looking within – there is no other way. 

Are you struggling with a particularly difficult situation at work or feel you are at a crossroads? I can provide you with a variety of techniques and strategies to connect to your purpose and live it!

I can help re-focus your personal and career goals in line with your values and desires in life.

Please get in touch if you are interested in finding out ways to have a more fulfilling job and work experience – paula@awaremind.com.au

 

Exploring the feeling of hatred:

If you find yourself continually saying – “I hate this” or “I hate him/her” – consider looking at how hatred appears within you – in case you are saying “No, not me!” it is present in all of us as part of our human condition.

I have recognised hatred in others, but not dared to look at it within me, but it's there in the little things and in some big things too. In this YouTube clip, Jane Monica-Jones talks on how looking at the aspects of hatred in our life, can open us to greater love and compassion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ConOYmKn2yI  

 

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